My choice??

At least several times over the past 2 or so years, when I've said things such as, "Being a single mom is hard," someone has replied, "You CHOSE this."  Seriously??  This is not the life I had planned out in my head when I was 18 years old.  But this is my life.  I will continue to make the best of it.  Never in a million years would I have guessed this is where I would be.

While it is true that I chose to end a marriage, those people do not know the circumstances that led to that decision.  That decision (both times I made it) took months, if not longer, to make.  Weighing the possible outcomes of staying and leaving.  It was not a decision I ever took lightly.

Did I want my children to grow up living the way we were?  Did I want my children to learn that the way we were living was "normal"?  Did I want my children to seek out similar relationships when they choose a spouse?  I know that the answers to each of those questions is a definite "NO".

So I made the best decision for my children and myself at that time.  If you think you have the right to judge me, there is nothing I can do to stop you.  I sure hope no one comes along to inspect your life.  You might not like what they have to say.

Lots of people know some of what I've been through.  A few people know more.  I doubt anyone, except me, knows all of it.

I can't even say that I would change the worst parts of it, because that would also change some of the best parts.  It would change everything about the person I am today.

So, I teach my children that you can be strong no matter the circumstances.  I teach them that life is what you make it.  I show them that I can take care of them, work, and go to school.  I teach them that without GOD none of this is possible and without GOD I'd be hopelessly stuck where I was, without a way out.  I'm not saying that GOD is in favor of divorce, but I don't think he would condone me leaving my children in the situation either.

So I guess in the simplest of terms I did choose to be a single mom, but it was never my plan.

Becoming the Mom of a GIRL!!!

4 years ago today, I became the mom of a girl!  It's different than being the mom of a boy.  Victoria Lynn was born on December 19, 2007, at 2:25 p.m.

You see, Tori was a very photographed child before she was born.  I started with a great doctor at the infertility center and had many sonograms there.  Then at my regular OB, I was labeled ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE, which basically guarantees you a few more sonograms.  Also, due to the fact that I have scoliosis and that the sonographer at my doctor's office was out when I needed the "measure the baby's neck" sonogram..... I received lot of appointments with the perinatologist.  I actually had a 80% certainty from the perinatologist at 14 weeks that Tori was a girl.  Not many people get that :)

Here is 6 weeks.  Can you see her head and arm buds?

Here is 9 weeks.  Amazing!!

Here is 28 weeks and she is being shy.... that's the last time that happened.

She was due 1/1/08, but I begged the doctor to induce me 2 weeks early.  There were so many reasons.  He finally agreed since I was ready and it took very little to kick me into full blown labor.  This labor was so simple and about 6 hours from when I walked into the hospital, I was holding my beautiful daughter.

I am so blessed.  She has brought so much joy to my life.

She is my princess and a gift from GOD!!

Here she is on her first birthday.

And then her second,

Last year for her third,

Can you see her sassy personality?

We had her birthday party a few weeks ago, it's hard to have a birthday this close to Christmas, so we celebrate a little early.

Happy Birthday Tori!!  Mommy loves you more than the world.